You know what was the most exciting day of my life? It was the day I went on my first date with Geri.
“
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A man in his eighties, speaking of his wife who was sitting next to him at dinner. Isn’t that sweet?
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There are some smart little boys in that class. Really smart. Then there are some who THINK they’re smart.
“
| — |
An older lady, referring to the kids’ Sunday School class she teaches.
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How about ‘Toast?’ As in, ‘If she chews up my throw pillows, she’s toast!’
“
| — |
Mom, when we were trying to decide what to name Mira.
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Apparently, I was talking in my sleep the other night about “Camo chocolate, camo chocolate! Chocolate camo! Camo chocolate!” in an animated voice.
I have no idea where this came from.
Honest.
Maybe my subconscious wants to drench itself with chocolate and sneak into a Hershey factory.
You need to marry a jerk or else you’ll have a boring life! Think of the children!
Caroline: “AAUGH!”
Me: “How do you expect me to aim with no soul?”
Sunday Afternoon
Caroline: “Where was I, again?”
Me: “In the pits of despair, but I pulled you out, remember?”
This snippet was completely random and had nothing to do with the rest of the conversation.
May I be struck dead if ever I name my child Herman Melville.
Caroline is indifferent to medical help
Me: “What can I do to help you?”
Caroline: “You could PUNCH ME IN THE EYE!”
Me: “C’mere.”
Caroline: “What! You want me to go all the way over there? Too much trouble. Besides, I could hurt myself on the way…”
He was pretty good-looking for an inventor.
